We, the undersigned, do hereby petition the Congress of the State of Texas to enact at once a Congressional Bill to limit the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America, specifically, the Right of the Freedom of the Press. We recommend the bill to read as follows:
Form this day forward, every journalist must have a license to carry any writing instrument, whether quill, ball point, ink-dip, or any electronic device used for writing. Journalists may keep such writing instruments in their homes, automobiles (if concealed), or at their professional journalistic workplace, and they may freely use them there; but any journalist who wishes to carry a writing instrument in public must apply for a license to do so with the State of Texas, which license will be approved under the following conditions:
- the writing instrument must be registered with the federal and state governments;
- the journalist must have never been convicted of, or received deferred adjudication for, a felony;
- the journalist must not owe child support or alimony;
- the journalist must not owe any back taxes; and,
- the journalist must be of sound mind and under no medical treatment for psychological disorder.
Once a license is approved, the journalist must conceal his writing instrument at all times; "concealment" means that he cannot print (not, as opposed to write in cursive), "print" meaning that his writing instrument cannot "print" or impress its image through the journalist's coat, dress, shirt, blouse, coulats, or pants pocket;
moreover, upon being stopped by an officer of the law, the licensed journalist must forthwith show both his driver's license and his journalist's license to the officer in charge, and immediately notify the officer that s/he is in possession of a writing instrument whether or not the writing instrument is loaded with ink or lead; failure to do so will result in immediate confiscation of the writing instrument and forfeiture of license.
Finally, unless the journalist fails to meet the above criteria, his/her license may be renewed every six years conditioned upon state-sponsored journalistic training.
P.S. Please pray for us as we author a subsequent bill that will require Christians to obtain licenses to carry concealed Bibles.